


Silver Sunflowers

by Kokoai



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other tags to be added later, Slow Burn, rating may change later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokoai/pseuds/Kokoai
Summary: Gentle winds pick up the scattered petals that fell like snowflakes. Small swirls that brought them closer and farther in endless paths. Somehow at the end of it all, amidst the vortex of winter and spring, they would come together in a comforting pile. Amidst those winds that stuck petals in Riku's hair, his chest grew heavy. Each heartbeat catching in his throat, the scent of petals filling his airways. He chocked on that aroma. The voice around him falling on deaf ears.
Relationships: Nanase Riku/Yaotome Gaku
Comments: 23
Kudos: 65





	1. Page one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gemichin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemichin/gifts).



> This fic is a labor of love for Gemichin who dragged me into this ship beyond au settings. ilu lots and lots gemi
> 
> I make no promises to have any semblance of an upload schedule but I swear on my love for these boys that I won't abandon this fic.

This venue had become a regular performance location for IDOLiSH7. Between solo and joint lives, and oddball special shows they’d come here many times. Somehow, each time they approached they were filled with anticipation. They could never be certain how any particular performance would go, but they were always excited to hear the cheers of their fans. Today their fans would be mixed in with TRIGGER’s but that did nothing to lessen the adrenaline. 

While they all but had the floor plan memorized, Tsumugi still led the way towards their dressing room. Before the door had opened halfway, their eyes found numerous colorful bouquets. No matter how many times this happened, the seven boys always smiled at each other, grateful for their fan’s devotion. No matter how simple or exquisite the arrangement, every single one was the physical manifestation of a fan’s love for them. 

One in particular had caught Riku’s attention as it wasn’t a color combination they usually saw. Gingerly he plucked the card from between stems and a moment later realized why they were so odd.

“Ah, Manager, we got one of TRIGGER’s by mistake!” Before she could ask anything, he held the card up that had messy handwriting but nonetheless a clear  _ Yaotome Gaku _ on one side. 

“How much time do we have? I can bring it to them.” Riku had already headed for the door. He knew Tsumugi would insist on taking it, but she already had so much to do as it was that he truly didn’t mind helping with minimal tasks. 

“You have roughly ten minutes.”

“Ah, you know Kujou-san will kick him out if he takes too long.” Iori chimed. 

Riku gave a quick nod before he hurried down the hall. 

As he approached the door he could hear some noise from within the room. Never could Riku mistake the sound of Tenn’s voice. He figured Gaku and Tenn were having another of their pre-live banters, but he waited for a pause in the noise to knock on the door. 

“Nanase?” Gaku had answered the door with a look of surprise as his eyes found the flowers.

“Sorry for the interruption, we got one of your bouquets by mistake.” Riku pushed the bundle towards Gaku and jostled it so much a single petal fluttered downward.

“Oh. Thanks.” 

“Riku?” Tenn chimed as he peered around Gaku. His gaze went from the flowers and back.

“What’s this? Bringing Gaku flowers?” His tone was that usual harshness he always used for teasing anyone. 

“At least he gets me something.” Gaku shot back without missing a beat before mouthing a thank you towards Riku.

“Ah, well I should get back. Good luck out there.”

“You too.” 

As Riku made his way back, he found his pulse oddly fast. Rushing around like this before a show probably wasn’t a good idea, but he just needed to breathe deeply and remember their fans were waiting. 

Being on stage always felt like stepping into another world. Once they claimed the stage, the world was theirs and theirs alone. The only people that mattered were their fans. No matter what happened between the idols off stage, on stage, they were simply idols whose jobs were to ensure every single person left with a smile and a warm heart. 

Those feelings were the fuel behind Riku’s singing. The roaring cheers became the breath in his lungs that would push their songs further. Even if his voice could only touch one heart that would be enough for him. Even if all he did was carry his members higher, he could smile and sleep soundly. As long as his existence brought joy to someone, he would be happy. 

No matter the live, he tried to keep those thoughts close, although with this being a special anniversary live, he wanted to push those feelings even more intensely. When the live would reach its inevitable end, a sadness would creep into his lungs, but he could still breath easy seeing everyone leave with joyful expressions. 

Even more reassuring, came the news only two days later that album sales had spiked, and they had received numerous job offers. 

Deciding which to accept and decline never became any easier. Especially with so many cross agency ones. Tsumugi kept a limit to how many of those they took, and they almost exclusively hinged on what Trigger’s manager demanded. 

All Riku had been told about this job was that it was a highly renowned magazine and he’d be working with one of the TRIGGER members. 

The staff wanted to make quick work of this as they were already behind schedule so Riku hurried towards the dressing room. As he raised a hand in order to knock, the door swung open to reveal and sharply dressed Yaotome Gaku. He chuckled and commented on how much they’d been running into each other these days, be it during rehearsals, oddball jobs like this, or simply while out and about. 

They carried on conversation while Riku changed and the stylists finished his hair and makeup. While they used to chit-chat mostly about work matters, lately it had shifted to their personal lives. 

Upon entering the studio, they were given the details of this project. They were marketing a perfume branded with the name of one of the most popular fashion designers in the country. Their outfits were also by that designer. While neither of them followed fashion much, it was hard to have not at least heard the name. Gaku thought they had even sponsored a Trigger live once. 

The first few photo sets were typical poses and set ups that Gaku and Riku were both already well accustomed to. 

Then they were asked if either would be opposed to a series of more suggestive styles. Gaku gave his very casual approval quickly, and that led to Riku agreeing as well, only to truly think about what he’d agreed to after the fact. 

Riku was given instructions to recline on the sofa they’d already been posing on. He hadn’t been given any specifics so he simply did what was natural. Then Gaku moved towards him and placed one hand along the top of the sofa, and the other on the arm of the sofa beside Riku’s head.

“You okay? You look a little red.” Gaku asked as he solidified his position to a point he could comfortably hold it for at least a couple minutes. 

“Ah, yeah.” Riku knew Gaku was handsome and beautiful, but he’d never gotten a chance to see him this close. He’d never noticed how long and light Gaku’s eyelashes were. No wonder his eyes were always so striking. As Riku’s eyes wandered down to Gaku’s cheeks he noticed the tiniest of blemishes and sun spots that even if the camera did somehow catch them, would surely be edited out. 

Riku watched as Gaku’s hand came towards his chin and then he realized the photographer had told them to pose as if they were going to kiss. Riku’s silence had been taken as no opposition when in reality he’d been caught up staring at Gaku’s lips. 

“Good thing Tenn’s not here.” Gaku lowly whispered. Mostly to ensure only Riku could hear him. 

“A-ah yeah.” The words barely registered past that little puff of warm breath he felt on his cheek. If he wasn’t flushed already that definitely would have done it. Riku was silently thankful that the pose didn’t lasted long. Gaku really was beautiful up close. Riku also found it impressive how easily he could do anything the photographers asked him to. Never were his movements awkward or unsure, every motion held a staggering amount of confidence. 

After a few more shots, they were finished. Riku was a stride behind Gaku as they returned to the dressing room. Riku’s thoughts remained full of all those little things he’d come to notice about Gaku. All those tiny details about his skin that were impossible to see now. 

Every poster Riku walked past on his way back to the dorm reinforced his thoughts that no matter how graceful and handsome Gaku looked in the media, it was nothing compared to having him inches from you. 

He couldn’t deny that he held a lot of admiration for the man that lead TRIGGER. Even without all that Gaku had done to aid IDOLiSH7, and those times he reminded Riku of what it meant to be center, even before Riku had truly started chasing his dream of being an idol, Yaotome Gaku had a presence that garnered respect and made people who barely knew him admire him. 

Riku wanted to be like that. He wanted IDOLiSH7 to rise to and then surpass TRIGGER’s level. He wanted not only himself, but every one of his members to be influential in that same manner. As the dorm came into view, he resolved himself all the more to focusing on making that dream a reality even if it took his very last breath to achieve. 

“Ah Rikkun’s home” Tamaki announced before Riku had even removed his shoes. 

“How was the photoshoot? Who did they pair you with?” Sogo asked from the sofa where he sat beside Tamaki. 

“I got to work with Yaotome-san. I don’t know what images they’ll use so I can’t tell you what to look forward to.” Riku made his way into the kitchen as he spoke. 

Mitsuki had already been deep into cooking a rather hefty meal for everyone. Riku had been the only one with a job today. That had been rather despairing news to Nagi who had thought they could all do something special on their off day. With Riku home, Nagi immediately tried to reignite that plan, but to no avail since it had already gotten so late. 

Riku had been allowed to help with dinner preparations. Although ‘helping’ used loosely as Riku mostly gathered ingredients for him and maybe was trusted to wash vegetables. Surprisingly, Tamaki had offered to help with any peeling needed— whether that was a genuine interest into improving that skill or if Sogo had any influence was a discussion for another time— Mitsuki didn’t slack on voicing his appreciation for the help. He had possibly gotten a little too excited at being able to prepare a proper meal for all of them. 

There was something there for everyone, on top of all the dishes chosen knowing no one would dislike them. Riku was trusted with the task of moving each dish to the table. This had come with a threat, accentuated with the way of a ladle, that if he spilled a single drop Mitsuki would ensure Tsumugi forced him to help with paperwork. 

Each phase Riku moved slower than a snail, carefully watching the contents of each plate or bowl as he moved. If liquid so much as started towards an edge he’d freeze. Once everything had been set and utensils laid out along with drinks, everyone crowded the table. 

The meal itself was rather relaxing for everyone. Full of idle chatter and laughter and simply the enjoyment of all seven of them being together. After the meal and once clean up had been handled, they all settled around the living room and collectively decided on something to watch together. 

They had ended up watching some reruns of Yamato’s most recent drama. Yamato had let slip a small detail that Yaotome Gaku would be guest starring in the near future. 

“Speaking of, Riku what should I know about working with him directly?.”

“Eh? I...I don’t know… it’s not like I was acting with him.” 

“What no secrets like he’ll argue with the crew or co-stars?”

“Um no, Yaotome-san was very professional and easy to work with.” Riku couldn’t stop the memory of how close their lips had been and how casually Gaku had done that. Partially he wondered if he should let Yamato know about that, but doubted anything like that would come up for a drama shooting. 

After the episodes had finished, most everyone retired to their rooms. Riku settled down on his beanbag after choosing a book from his vast collection. Every few months the urge struck to reread one particular novel. He had two copies of the book in fact, one had scuffs and small tears that had been the result of how many times he’d read it since his childhood. The other copy was a pristine autographed copy Tenn had gotten him as a birthday gift one year. 

Never without fail, when Riku chose to start that book, he would lose hours to its pages and no matter how many hours were given to it, there was always something new to surprise him. 


	2. Letters of Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be the quickest update this fic will have. I mostly had this one done, from here on my pace will be slower depending on how irl is at any given point.

IDOLiSH7 had been blessed with an off day, and as usual Mitsuki had gotten up early to make breakfast for everyone. Iori had already brewed coffee and tea for everyone and had each mug sitting in its owner’s usual spot. 

Riku had been deep in a dream when the scent of grilled fish roused him. His stomach growled at the same time that a yawn popped his jaw. A moment was given to stretching his limbs before he crawled out of bed to slink into the kitchen. 

“Morning Riku.” Mitsuki said without turning away from the stove. 

“Morning.” Another yawn hit mid word. 

Around the table already were Tamaki and Sogo. Nagi sat on one the couch opposite where Yamato was. Both were glued to the TV. 

Iori had started talking about work topics, to which Tamaki groaned that they weren’t supposed to think about work on an off day. Riku chuckled only to then turn to the chime of his phone. He barely registered the sender name before he started skimming the message. 

He screeched. Loud. Every head snapped to him. The next sound echoed was his phone hitting the floor.

“Nanase-san what on Earth happened?” Iori asked. Riku could only mutter incoherent squeaks while his eyes were a million miles away and sparkling.

Sogo had picked Riku’s phone off the ground, and muttered an apology before reading the messages still on screen.

“Well what is it Sou-chan?” Tamaki asked. 

“Um, well it seems—”

“They’re making a movie of my favorite book!” Riku beamed with the intensity of seven suns.

“That warranted that god awful scream.” Iori’s brows furrowed. Riku’s cheeks puffed as he grimaced at Iori. 

“You’d be excited too if something important to you since you were a kid got this treatment.” Riku huffed before turning his nose upwards to continue, “Yaotome-san was offered a lead role, and he asked me for help with his character research.” 

“Wow, being asked for help by TRIGGER’s leader. How’s that feel?” Mitsuki chimed.

“Ah, I think I’m more excited about the movie to be honest. He wants to get dinner tonight and talk about it.”

“Oho so you’ve got a date with The Yaotome Gaku huh.” The crack of Yamato’s canned coffee punctuated his sentence.

“It’s not a date!”

“You do need to inform Manager and make sure you go somewhere discreet,” Iori chided.

“I know, I know.” Riku’s cheeks puffed as he sat back down. 

Conversation drifted to different topics as breakfast plates were laid out and everyone started eating. Once plates were cleared and cleaned, everyone split into smaller groups, if not alone, to go about their plans for the day. 

Riku retreated to his room, and since he had no plans for the day anyway, he stretched across his bed as he laid on his stomach with his book opened to where he’d left off yesterday. What were the odds he would start a reread only to then find out there would be a movie? How he’d been lucky enough to be even remotely involved in it’s production baffled him. 

Each page turn, each paragraph read and he wondered more and more who Yaotome-san would play. He had only said ‘a lead’ but there were at least four characters that could qualify. Anyone of them would be a good fit for Yaotome-san, he thought. 

Hours dissolved into those pages, Riku could have even forgotten about his evening plans if Yaotome-san hadn’t messaged him. Riku had neglected to respond to the last message, which had made Yaotome-san worry something had come up. Riku frantically replied that he had simply gotten busy reading, but that he was getting read then.

This would be the first time they would be meeting up without a work related preface. They had been messaging a lot recently, but seeing each other outside work wasn’t something they did. Not that their off days ever lined up anyway. They would sometimes get lunch or dinner together after rehearsals, but to be invited out so casually….when they were both off...well he supposed this could be classified as work. Not so much for him, but helping a colleague counted as work right?

If this were work though, he wouldn’t be standing in front of his closet stressing about what to wear. He hadn’t even given mind to the weather forecast. A quick check of his phone told him it was a relatively warm day. He needed to dress semi-nicely. Nothing too fancy since this was a meeting of…friends? Had he earned the right to call Yaotome-san a friend? 

He shook those thoughts from his head, and grabbed a red button up shirt and a white and blue pullover. He took a moment to brush out his hair before checking his phone again.

At that, Riku collected his things, taking special care to pack the very book that was the core of this outing, and rushed out the door. His fingers clutched the strap of the beige messenger bag that was hastily slung over his shoulder. First and foremost he had to remind himself that while he would get to gush about his favorite book, this was to help Yaotome-san understand his character, therefore Riku needed to be selective in his gushing. Already assembling a list of points he would be sure to mention, he barely paid attention to the road before him. The only problem that presented was him starting to bypass the station. If his phone hadn’t buzzed he may have walked to the ends of the Earth.

Yaotome-san had only just gotten to the station himself. Despite his black v-neck, leather jacket, sunglasses, and parts of his hair tucked back, Riku still identified him easily. Based on the wondering gazes around them, he wasn’t the only one.

“We can be more relaxed once we get to the restaurant.” He spoke low.

“Where is it we’re going? Manager wanted to know.”

“A small soba shop nearby. Ah, I guess I should have asked if you like soba first.”

“Yeah, I do.” Truthfully, IDOLiSH7 had ordered soba quite often lately, but stomaching one more bowl this week couldn’t be that difficult. Noodles would also provide sufficient pauses between Riku’s inevitable tangents.

Nothing else was said between the two as they made their way down side streets, Riku a step behind Yaotome-san. As the silence continued, Riku fell into thinking about what all he should tell Yaotome-san, although he figured Yaotome-san would have his own questions, but Riku felt responsible for ensuring all relevant information was given so that Yaotome-san could properly play the role, but Riku also questioned how much was necessary information versus spoilers; the script would have spoilers already though wouldn’t it or would the producers only give out small segments at a time? How much did Yaotome-san already know about the plot? Did he know about the plot twists? The ending? That one character death that left Riku crying for days when he first read it? That one scene that he always needed to breath before starting? How much of the book would even make it into the movie? What if all of Riku’s favorite parts were cut? If they entirely cut that one side character he would hate the entire movie no matter how well done everything else was.

“You okay?” Yaotome-san’s sudden voice knocked the air out of Riku’s lungs.

“Ah! Uh yeah I’m fine just…thinking.”

“Must have been something heavy for you to make the face you did.”

“I what? Eh, I have a lot of thoughts about this book, I’m wondering where to even start talking.”

“Tenn did say you really liked this book.”

_ Tenn-nii remembers… _ Riku had wondered how exactly Yaotome-san had thought to come to him. For as much as they made idle chit-chat outside work and even between rehearsal sets, he hadn’t ever mentioned what he read beyond genres. Surely he could have talked to anyone on the production team, or even simply done internet searches. Whatever the reason Yaotome-san chose to come to him, he was glad to have the chance to help.

They walked a bit further before coming to a rather modest looking soba shop with a sign overhead that read  _ Yamamura _ . If IDOLiSH7 hadn’t ordered from this very shop he may not have even recognized it, although they always ordered delivery so he had never known where the physical shop was. 

Yaotome-san waltzed in with an ease that made Riku think he came here a lot. That hunch was furthered when Yaotome-san waved to the staff and proceeded towards a particular table towards the back. He slid into one side of the booths while Riku slid into the other side.

They were quickly greeted by a waiter who took their orders after Riku had had time to look over the menu. Yaotome-san came here enough to know what he wanted. Once their orders had been placed, Yaotome-san held his chin in a hand as he gazed at Riku.

“So this book…” he trailed off.

“Ah, yeah. Um, did you have any particular questions? Did they give you a full script?”

“They did yeah, I skimmed through it, but it feels kind of flat.”

Riku straightened.  _ Flat? Was the writing flat? _ Or was it simply the script format not conveying the characterizations? Riku tossed those thoughts aside.

“Eh, well maybe it’s because you don’t have any deeper context?” Riku posed. He stared at the stack of papers beside Yaotome-san. Curiosity questioned if it only felt flat out of context.

“Maybe. So tell me about the main character.” Yaotome-san slumped into his hand more as he gazed at Riku through lazy eyes.

“Ahh well he’s um…” Riku stumbled over his words, what would help and what would be nothing more than the musing of a super-fan. Eventually he found a rhythm and would simply talk, pause for Yaotome-san to interject or ask a further question. Within a tangent about how the character had reacted to a heavy scene, Riku started to pull out his book to show the passage, but as the book hit the table their food had arrived. Yaotome-san chatted with their server a bit, who addressed him as ‘Gaku’ and that left Riku wondering how this older woman knew him. Based on the bits of conversation she was the owner, and it seemed Yaotome-san had been frequenting this shop for a while. Once they were left to their meal Riku picked up his chopsticks and swirled some noodles around before pulling some upwards.

“Ahh this tastes better than when we get it delivered.” Riku sang. It had only lasted a moment, but Riku had noticed the small smile Yaotome-san held.

“So you guys order from here often?”

“It’s expensive when it’s for eight people so it’s mostly a special occasion thing.” While Yaotome-san hadn’t said anything, simply lifted noodles to his mouth, Riku felt something in the air. No temperature drop so at least they weren’t being haunted.

“Does TRIGGER come here too?”

“Not really. It’s mostly me.”

Riku’s eyes fell back to his bowl, he thought it’d be nice to come here with Tenn sometime, but it was no surprise that Tenn didn’t go out much. As much as they conversed now, they never spent time with only each other. Not to say Riku hadn’t extended invitations, but Tenn always turned them down. TRIGGER did seem busy more often than not, even on their off days Riku knew Tenn still practiced routines, or would exercise a bit more heavily to offset whatever sweets he’d indulged in. Riku did admire that level of dedication, but he couldn’t help wishing he could have one day with Tenn-nii.

“You’re wondering if Tenn would come here aren’t you?” Yaotome-san had a glint in his eyes that made Riku shiver.

“H-how’d you know?”

“You two make a lot of the same faces.”

“Do we?” Riku felt a weight in his chest. 

Even though they were twins, he sometimes wondered how different they had become during their time apart. Tenn had seemed to grow and change so much from when they were kids, meanwhile Riku felt he had hardly changed. 

Before Riku could continue down that rabbit hole, Yaotome-san returned to the book. He wanted to read some excerpts that would better show him what sort of person his character was. Riku pulled a pad of sticky notes out of his bag and began marking pages that he felt highlighted key points both for characterization and for understanding the web of relationships within the story. Slowly he slid the book across the table, offering to let Yaotome-san borrow it, his hand lingered on the cover a few seconds before he pulled back just as Yaotome-san’s hand came towards the book.

Surprise set in across Yaotome-san's features as he confirmed that it was okay for him to take the book. Riku nodded before slurping more noodles. 

"I don’t mind answering questions anytime you have them."

"Don't regret that when I take you up on it." Yaotome-san smirked before lifting his bowl to down the remaining soup. Riku finished his bowl soon after.

Yaotome-san insisted on paying the bill since he had been the one to drag Riku here. As they made their way outside a cool breeze whipped around them. Riku coiled his arms around his torso at the sudden temperature change. A small cough stopped him in his tracks. He shivered as the wind blew more.

Just as Riku wished he'd brought a jacket, one fell around his shoulders. He attempted to shrug it off and return it. 

"Tenn would have my head if you got sick." 

Riku was beside himself. He felt bad accepting, but felt it worse to continue resisting. The warmth already captured within the material felt nice too.

"Thank you. I promise I'll return it next time I see you." Riku smiled.

They chatted a little more, mostly about upcoming work schedules before saying their farewell as heading off. Riku had had to put up quite the fight to be able to walk home alone. Yaotome-san had already done so much that Riku couldn't bear to inconvenience him anymore tonight. 

Riku settled into the jacket as he progressed down the street. This was definitely a size or two larger than he normally wore, but he didn’t mind that. Probably more expensive than what he bought if he had to guess. His fingers curled around the cuff of the sleeve that hung past his hand and tried to focus on what he would do once he got home. 


	3. Cold Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry these chapters are so short. I'm so used to writing oneshots I forget how to make things longer. Later chapters will surely get longer once the plot really gets moving. I'm going to be aiming for at least a chapter a month, but I make no promises.

Recent days had scattered IDOLiSH7 with various work engagements. The days they spent fragmented far outweighed the days they were whole.Today was a day Riku would spend mostly with Iori as their subunit had recordings scheduled.

“Nanase-san are you listening?” Iori steamed.

“Yeah yeah, we have another studio recording in….an hour?”

“You’re like a schoolgirl with that phone.” Iori sighed.

Riku had indeed been glued to a rabbit chat thread. Yaotome-san had pulled him into a group chat with TRIGGER and while he never spoke up in it, he did like to keep up with the messages when they decided to use it.

“You just wish TRIGGER let you in their chats.”

“I would at least learn something from them instead of merely aimlessly reading.”

“You’re annoying.” Riku muttered as he put his phone away.

“Okay so what else did I miss.”

“Yes, we have one more studio recording, but then we have to rush to the venue for the rehearsal.”

“Oh is that today?”

“You should really keep track of these things you know.” Riku could almost see the vein throbbing in Iori’s forehead. 

“Eh, but you and Manager do a better job than I ever could.”

Iori sighed but said no more, he merely started on with briefing their upcoming recording. Nothing out of the ordinary; they’d be asked questions, answer as honestly as they could without saying anything problematic, sing a little as a preview for the upcoming music festival, and that would be it.

While they walked towards the station, Iori went over some of the finer details about the later rehearsal. Riku tried his best to listen but Iori had a way of getting far too absorbed in the details. All those details melted away from Riku as they started their recording, which went as simply as expected. Iori led most of the talking segments, which made it easy for Riku to tailor his responses to ensure he didn’t say anything out of line. Then came the singing portion, they sung a small duet portion they had in a new arrangement of an older song. They’d be performing the song with TRIGGER but that was a surprise for the show itself.

Once the recording had wrapped up and they said their thanks and farewells to the staff, Iori immediately went into rush mood. They hardly had a moment to breathe outside the train ride, and even then Iori sat clearly irritated the train couldn’t go faster.

“Ah, TRIGGER just got to the venue. See you don’t need to worry about us being late.” Riku gleamed after he recieved a message from Yaotome-san that he’d have to stop messaging since they’d be starting their rehearsal.

“Yes, but if TRIGGER is late, everything gets rearranged around them. We don’t have that same luxury.”

“Keep furrowing your brows like that and you’re gonna wrinkle before you’re my age.” Riku huffed.

“That makes no sense.” Iori had relaxed marginally though, at least his brows slacked.

After that they remained mostly silent until their stop came. In a flurry that Riku could hardly remember they zipped from the station to the venue, to the dressing room, and then to the stage where everyone had gathered.

“Iori-san, Riku-san.” Tsumugi greeted.

“Sorry we’re late, I should have planned our route better.” Iori apologized between breaths.

“Oh, you’re right on time. The technical staff have been setting things up. The other groups only just arrived.” She informed.

Riku grinned at Iori for a quick second, which Iori tried to pretend he hadn’t seen, but Riku knew by that small twitch of his lips that he’d won.

They music festival’s producers gathered everyone up to discuss the plans with everyone, as it was the first chance they had to talk with everyone at once. The order of the groups had already been determined, each group assigned a number of songs, and had submitted their setlists. As everything was staged for a proper rehearsal, IDOLiSH7 held a collective nervousness. They would be opening the show and thus were the ones to start the rehearsal.

With all their preparation in the days prior, this should have been nothing more than adjusting to the space. They had only gotten through half their setlist when Riku fell to the ground. His chest heaved as he wheezed. Among the crowd it was clear who was and wasn’t in the know based on facial expressions. Riku was glad TRIGGER was behind him. Tsumugi had been quick to apologize profusely before suggesting they continue with rehearsal as best they could while she took care of Riku.

There was some discussion on whether to have a stand in or rehearse without their center, all the while Riku sat back, removed from everything. A fire blazed within his tight chest. Each labored breath used more air than he took in. Tsumugi sat beside him as he took puffs from his inhaler. He kept trying to do so when no one was looking, even if she insisted he needn't worry about anyone seeing.

He began to lift the plastic back to his lips, before he could press down on the canister, he coughed. A horse kicking him in the chest would hurt less. Another kick came when he realized TRIGGER could, and were, looking at him. He met the cold gaze of stone grey eyes for a moment before Tsumugi came to kneel in front of him. That flash of….worry? Disappointment? He had no clue. Tenn had probably already said something about how pathetic he was. Pathetic would be an upgrade to the feeling of uselessness that coiled in his throat.

When Tsumugi moved, Riku could see Yaotome-san still looking at him. Tenn stepped in front of Yaotome-san, but never faced towards them. Riku turned away before taking his next puff.

Salt stung his eyes. Although his breathing eased, the tightness in his chest didn’t vanish. He no longer wheezed but his breaths were uneven.

“Is the medicine working Riku-san?” Tsumugi asked.

“Yeah. I still feel bad that I disturbed the workflow.”

“You still worry about that…”

“Maybe…”  _ I should quit. _ Riku shook his head with such vigor Tsumugi jumped. He couldn’t let thoughts like that stay. This wasn’t only about him anymore. He had six members that he had to pull to greater heights with him. He had to believe they would always be there to support him during these times so that he could get back on his feet and be the center that IDOLiSH7 deserved. A center that could compare to TRIGGER’s Kujo Tenn.

Riku watched as his group mates managed their routine without him, although he could tell they were distracted. Their movements weren’t nearly as fluid and they seemed lost. If they started slow, Riku believed he could handle it now. Tsumugi was hesitant but made him promise to stop if he felt his condition flaring up again. The remainder of rehearsal wasn’t as productive as it could have been, but nonetheless Riku made it through and was grateful at how much everyone else was willing to work with him. They took far more small breaks than any of the other groups, but they refused to let the judgmental looks bother them. Except Riku couldn’t simply brush off the looks from TRIGGER. A single sharp glare from Tenn could make Riku wheeze. He wasn’t sure what to make of the glances Yaotome-san gave. Were those his equivalent of Tenn’s glares? Regardless, it made his heart heavy.

What events remained within the venue were wrapped up quickly and before Riku had processed all his thoughts, he was in the car headed back to their dorm. He had sat by the window and rested his head against the cool glass. That cold brought a small comfort beneath the emotional typhoon that raged within his skull. He hadn’t had any problems with his asthma lately, he’d been extra precautions since they had performances coming up. How this had happened…he wanted to blame the weather. Maybe it had been all the rushing with Iori. No part of him wanted to admit Tenn had been right all along. No, that wasn’t it. He had already proven himself capable of standing on stage. This was only one day. Tomorrow would be better.

For all his attempts at positive thinking, it didn’t change his lack of appetite, nor stop him from slinking into his room and rejecting socialization. The bed creaked and groaned at his sudden weight being thrown onto it. His gaze stuck onto the ceiling but all he could see were replays of him collapsing mid routine. Not even the buzz of his phone could pull him out of it.

After some time he fell asleep, although it was no reprieve from the haunting thoughts.

Riku suddenly found himself on stage alone in a dark venue. Whispers floated around him creating a spider web with him at the center. A spotlight suddenly blinded him. He blinked and then watched a thread fall from above, at the end was a spider with a red mark on its back. It crawled along a line stretching in front of Riku, stopped midway and turned towards him. It blinked twice before it’s form wobbled as Riku heard a voice in his head.

_ Well you wanted to be there so much. Was it worth it? _

His mouth went dry. No matter how much he moved his lips not a sound came out.

_ Pathetic. _

Riku turned towards the new voice to see a large gray spider behind him. The web seemed to be closing in on him slowly. Each time either spider spoke more threads weaved around him, coiling around his limbs and restricting any movement. All the words blurred together into an overwhelming cacophony. He kept begging for it to end, yet with each plea the noise grew louder and louder. His eyes clamped shut.

Then it was quiet.

Dark.

And he was trapped.

Cocooned.

The instant panic rushed all the air out of his lungs. He jolted awake and went into a coughing fit. The room spun and felt far too warm even though he hadn’t gotten under the covers. Against the pleas of his aching muscles, he sat upright in order to right his breathing. Through his blurry vision he found the clock that read 23:17. There was a moment of surprise that no one had woken him, he half wished someone had. Maybe it would have saved him from that nightmare. Goosebumps covered his arms and he swatted at his arms to ensure he wasn’t actually covered in spider webs. Hardly any of the dream stuck with him now, but that singular ‘pathetic’ echoed in his ears.

His phone buzzed dully in the way it did to indicate missed notifications. There were multiple messages from his group mates. They had all assumed he needed rest and left him alone but he was told who would and wouldn’t be in the dorm tonight and who would be leaving early in the morning. Tsumugi had also pushed back his appointments a day to give him extra rest time. Her doing that always left him feeling guilty but he was thankful for the thoughtfulness. The last message on his phone was unexpected.

_ You alright? Tenn figured you had an attack but he’s too stubborn to check up on you directly. _

Riku smiled before responding.

_ I’ll be okay. It happened so suddenly I was caught off guard is all. _

He doubted Yaotome-san would still be up this late, but at least the reply would be there in the morning. Yet, only moments later, as if Yaotome-san had been waiting, there came a response. That had been the snowball for them messaging until sunrise. Riku hadn’t noticed the time until he heard footsteps outside his door. When he looked up at the sound he noticed the first stream of sunlight against his door.

Although all his appointments had been pushed back, he wouldn't let himself sleep in and thus ruin his sleep schedule, so he settled on continuing reading his current book. He'd finished the one that Yaotome-san was doing the movie for and had moved onto the sequel.

Partway through a page Riku realized he hadn’t comprehended a single word. He started back at the top only to fall asleep mid sentence. The book hitting his lap had startled him awake. He knew he couldn’t have been out long, yet it had felt like hours. Reluctantly he set the book aside and took to mindless apps on his phone. 

Riku proceeded to float in and out of consciousness, he would stay awake long enough to know he'd fallen asleep, and then he was out again. Once he’d woken up to realize he’d been sleeping on his phone. He took enough time to move it to safety before passing out again. His constant awake and out again continued countless times. Only when someone had entered his room did he stay awake longer.

"Nanase-san, Nanase-san!"

"Iori...what time is it?" Riku sat up to rub the sleep from his eyes.

"It's eight in the evening. We haven't seen you all day. You haven’t responded to any messages either."

"Ah sorry I'm just tired."

"You're warm. Have you checked for a fever?"

When Riku shook his head Iori immediately fetched a thermometer and sure enough, Riku had a low grade fever.

As Riku pleaded for Iori to keep it secret, Tsumugi entered.

After a long discussion, they had agreed to reschedule as many of Riku's appointments as they could. Rehearsals would need a stand in. Riku would need extra practice time to ensure he’d be in sync with everyone else.

Iori and Tsumugi left after ensuring Riku didn't need anything else.

_ Pathetic. _

Riku rolled over as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had let his group down. Everything in him wanted to forget it for the night, to sleep away the feelings, the fever, everything. Only when he focused on anything that wasn’t IDOLiSH7 was he able to lull himself to sleep.

When he woke up next, orange rays of late afternoon painted his room. He had no clue how long he’d been sleeping. As he sat up, his head felt like lead and nothing looked right. Despite the protest of his legs, even against them wobbling, Riku carried himself to the bathroom. One look in the mirror showed how disheveled and pale he was. This was absolutely no shape to even entertain the thought of leaving the dorms in. With the little strength he had, he hobbled out into the living room. The moment he crossed out of the hallway he was met with three faces turned towards him.

“Riku-kun, how are you feeling?” Sogo asked.

“Like I caught a cold.”

“Has practice been too rough on you?” Mitsuki asked.

“I think it’s the weather getting to me.” Riku shuffled into the kitchen as he spoke.

“Ah, Manager said she’d be buying us dinner tonight.” Yamato chimed.

Riku’s stomach growled at the mention of food, but instead of grabbing any snack, he settled for a glass of water.

“Where’s everyone else? Work?” Riku asked as he sat down on the couch beside Sogo.

“Yeah, we all had basic introduction meetings so we were done quicker.” Yamato replied.

“We are supposed to get drinks for tonight but we didn’t want to leave with you asleep.” Sogo added.

“Ahh you guys can go. I’ll be fine.” Riku’s stomach knotted knowing he’d become an inconvenience to them.

“We’ll be quick. You sure you don’t mind? The food might arrive while we’re out.” Mitsuki’s head tilted.

“I’ve slept a lot so I’ll be fine.”

Some more minutes were spent with the adults confirming again and again that Riku would be fine left alone for a while. After Riku insisted again and again that he would be fine, they left. Once the room had become silent except for the drone of the TV, Riku stretched across the couch. As he went to lay his head back on the armrest he felt something unusual. He craned his neck to see a black leather jacket draped over the arm. Right, he had set Yaotome-san’s jacket there to ensure he’d take it with him the next time they’d be around each other. He had intended to move it over the back of the couch so as to not lay on it and potentially damage it, but it fell out of his hands and splayed over his chest. The sensation of the material against his skin was strange, but the coolness of it against his heated skin was comforting so Riku let it be.

He told himself he'd only lay there for a few minutes. Then he awoke to a knock at the door. He flung himself off the couch, and unthinkingly threw on the jacket before answering the door.

"Yamamura So—" The man suddenly stopped when his eyes hit Riku.

"Ah Yamamura-san. It's been a while.” Riku smiled, but found it odd how long Yamamura-san’s gaze lingered before he seemed to snap out of whatever reverie he’d been in.

"Long enough I see you're trying new styles." He gestured towards the jacket.

Only then did Riku realize he was even wearing it. Good thing it had only been a Yaotome-san lookalike at the door, Riku thought.

"Not at all. I just borrowed this from...a friend." Riku scratched at the back of his neck.

Yamamura-san turned his attention to the boxes full of ten peoples worth of food and started to unload them on the usual table. Once it had been laid out he turned towards Riku. The soft smile seemed to highlight his facial features. Or maybe it was the lighting that let Riku notice a small dark beauty mark below Yamamura’s left eye.

"It suits you though. That jacket."

Riku forced his eyes away and went a bit sheepish at the compliment.

"Thank you. I'm not so sure though. At the very least this one's a tad big." He waved one of the sleeves to emphasize his point.

"Maybe your friend could help you get one in your size." Yamamura-san smirked as he handed Riku the receipt.

"Haha maybe. Anyway, thanks for all your hard work."

"Thanks for your patronage" Yamamura-san closed the door behind him, and that click echoed. Then the dorm was quiet once again.

Riku felt a rush of heat from head to toe and quickly removed the jacket before getting another glass of water.

He really needed to return that jacket. Although since his current condition made it a bad idea to go anywhere, he could only hope Yaotome-san wouldn't be bothered waiting a little longer.


	4. Rain and Fire

Faint echoes of the crowd could be heard from TRIGGER’s dressing room. It was enough to keep the idols themselves quiet. Sometimes they would sit and listen to the chants and think about how they would feel when that sound was theirs.

“You seem so concerned about the live.” Tenn snipped when he realized Gaku was still staring at his phone.

“Is something wrong, Gaku? You used to at least be messaging but you’ve just been staring lately.” Ryuu asked with a worried tone.

“It’s nothing.” Gaku muttered as he set his phone aside..

“If you’re off sync again I’m going to hound you for ‘nothing’” Tenn remarked.

Gaku huffed but said nothing. All the days spent constantly caught up in rabbit chats with Nanase, but today there was nothing. Nanase hadn’t messaged in a couple days now. Although he had technically seen Nanase the other day…that had been a soba delivery so it wasn’t really Gaku that got to see him. After Gaku had been able to pry his attention away from the oversized jacket that was definitely his that Nanase had been wearing, he had noticed Nanase looked paler than usual. Did his attacks always leave him so exhausted?

“Hey Tenn,”

“Hm?” Tenn turned to face him.

“Ah, never mind.” Gaku suddenly got cold feet to ask something so personal about Nanase.

“Is this another ‘nothing’?” Tenn sighed.

“I was wondering about something with Nanase.”

“Riku? What about him?”

“Ah well…is he usually exhausted after attacks?” Gaku felt a lump in his throat. Was he over stepping here? Nanase never talked much about his condition so was it really alright to be asking Tenn these things?

“That’s a peculiar thing to ask.” Tenn’s head tilted.

“He didn’t look so good last time I saw him.” Gaku let out a held breath. He realized, a moment before Tenn’s gaze sharpened what his words implied.

“Wasn’t the last time you saw him during the music festival rehearsal?” It was eerie how calm Tenn’s tone was, yet Gaku felt his bones tremble.

“I…it was just a food delivery. He happened to be the one to answer the door.”

“Oh so he didn’t know it was you.” Tenn’s entire demeanor relaxed.

For as much as Gaku had been talking with Nanase, for as many times as he’d delivered food to the IDOLiSH7 dorm, Nanase somehow still thought that ‘Yamamura’ and ‘Yaotome Gaku’ were two different people. Gaku had debated many times about confessing that to Nanase, but there was a strange enjoyment to being able to see Nanase in a different light than usual.

“He looked really pale though. Like he shouldn’t have even been out of bed.”

“He’s probably a little sick. Those attacks did always leave him weaker. If he was up and moving then he’s getting better.”

That came as a relief to Gaku, although it still left him puzzling at the lack of messages. He hadn’t much more time to ruminate on it though as TRIGGER was called to the stage. For now he needed to push the thoughts aside and perhaps after the show he’d send a message.

For the entire three hour live, Gaku mostly kept all thoughts of Nanase away. Only when he’d catch a flash of red somewhere in the venue would he think about Nanase. Although, once they were off stage, and Gaku saw he still had no rabbit chats, he grew worried.

He started to type a message, only to delete and rewrite at least seven times before forsaking the entire process. An exasperated sigh left his lips and earned a raised eyebrow from Tenn. Gaku didn’t want to admit how much he was getting worried over Nanase, but he thought that maybe Tenn could ease his worries somehow.

“If you’re that worried then message him already. You think Riku would get mad at you?” Tenn replied.

Truthfully, Gaku hadn’t a clue. Despite their lengthy conversations, he doubted how much he really knew Nanase. What if Nanase did get upset? Would Gaku be overstepping by expressing concern?

“If it’s still bothering me tomorrow I’ll do it.” That was Gaku deciding he had no place being so distracted by another idol outside his group.

That was the end of that discussion, as it had come time to make their way home.

No sooner than they’d all gotten inside, had Gaku gone into an instant rush before he was out the door. He felt bad ignoring Tenn’s question of where he was going, but Ryuu would know. The only times Gaku ever flew out of their shared apartment was when he had a shift at Yamamura. 

There weren’t words for how much the simple nights of forgetting idol life and focusing on helping his grandfather managed to relax him. Even if he had to be up early for idol work the next day, he would always give his evening to the art of preparing bowls of soba. Not to mention the idle chit chat of the average worker. There had been numerous nights he’d gotten to hear completely unfiltered opinions on TRIGGER as a whole, both positive and negative and Gaku took every word to heart and used it to push the group higher.

As much as TRIGGER meant everything to Gaku, he did enjoy simply pretending he wasn’t an idol, that his purpose in life was making the best dishes possible. One night at a time he would let all thoughts of their lives, of albums records, photoshoots, MV plans, and everything entertainment slip from his mind. He had been making soba longer than he’d been an idol. If one morning TRIGGER was done, their idol careers out quicker than a candle flame, Gaku would be okay because he could always come here.

He stood in the entryway between the kitchen and dining room gazing out at the guests. Although it was a slow night, Yamamura still had steady business. When the door chimed, although he hadn’t been listening for it, his head turned as he stepped out of the doorway.

“Welcome to Yamamura.” His eyes fell onto bright red hair and eyes like sunset. The boy bowed as he sat down at the counter.

“Na— You know I’ve delivered to your dorm so many times but I don’t think we’ve ever introduced ourselves.” Gaku had to backpedal. He had to remind himself that Nanase and ‘Yamamura’ didn’t know each other.

“Ahaha it’s kind of refreshing for someone to not immediately address me by name.” Nanase’s laugh echoed softly.

“Yamaura. Should I call you Nanase-san?”

Nanase nodded.

“Iori is always saying I shouldn’t be so casual with strangers.”

“Well then, Nanase…san, what can I get for you?”

Nanase took a moment to browse the menu, although with how quickly his eyes skimmed over the menu, Gaku figured he already knew what he wanted but wanted to consider the possibility of something else striking a larger mood first.

“Zaru soba sounds great.” Nanase smiled.

Gaku nodded before turning back into the kitchen. He went on auto-pilot as he prepared the noodles. Never could he have anticipated Nanase randomly coming here of all places. The shop was a considerable distance from the IDOLiSH7 dorms. Not terribly far, but enough that he found it baffling how Nanase ended up here.

As much as Gaku tried to ignore the twinge in his chest, he couldn’t quite move past the strange feeling at seeing Nanase so…normal. As though everything were normal. Meanwhile their chat log remained unused for days.

He delivered the bowl of noodles and sauce in a typical manner. Naturally Nanase captured his attention more than the average customer, but he knew that to let that show would blow his cover. 

What kept Nanase convinced Yamamura was simply a humble soba shop worker, Gaku had no idea. Whatever it was, he would run with it. If he were going to do that, he needed to turn away from Nanase and focus on his job. Doing so took him a few moments longer than it should have. If Nanase hadn't eyed him momentarily he may have stayed longer. 

Once he turned to his other work duties, the night flew by. He hadn't even noticed when Nanase left. Only after the remaining patrons had left and the shop was cleaned up, did he take a moment to recollect his thoughts. 

Truthfully he couldn't spend much time stewing in his thoughts since he had his next movie shoot tomorrow. In the span of time of him collecting his things and exiting the restaurant, he had settled on a decision to pick his feet up and move forward. Idols held busy lives, and that held especially true for both wildly popular idols and ones still building their name. 

There would no doubt be other chances to see and talk to Nanase and those times would tell him if a wedge had come between them. 

That's what Gaku wanted to believe. 

Yet when the time did come that they'd pass each other on the street in a situation where Gaku could be himself, the usual bright cheerful rival that Gaku was used to seeing had a cloud over him. He held it mostly well, strangers would think he were merely in a cloud of his own thoughts. Gaku saw that dark tinge in his eyes, strikingly similar to Tenn's when he bottled things up.

"Oi." Gaku didn't want to draw unwanted attention by using Nanase's name. 

"Huh? Ah, Yao— um. Nice to see you." Nanase had flipped through at least seven emotions in a split second, but ended with a radiant smile. 

"You okay?" Beating around the bush would only waste both their time. 

"Uh, yeah. Well….yeah." Riku stumbled and kept his eyes on the ground. 

"Don't be like your brother bottling everything up." 

"It's hard to talk about…" 

"Na— you can still message me. Or we can always get together if you need to talk it out." Gaku's tone grew softer as he spoke. Whatever was eating at Nanase was hitting him hard. 

"I really appreciate the thought, but I couldn't bother you like that."

"How many nights have we spent talking about nothing? You really think I'd be bothered when it's something important."

"That's true I suppose… 

"Do you have time now? If you want that is."

"Um. I do, I'm on my way back from a radio show. I'd just have to let Manager know." 

"Let me treat you to lunch then?" 

"You don't need to do that." Riku’s cheeks flushed a little

"I'm saying I want to. 

There was a dying ember in those sunset eyes that sparked into a flame. A small smile tugged at his lips as he conceded to Gaku's wishes. 

The streets bustling with people pushed the two together to a point that their hands nearly brushed as they walked. For a block or so they walked in a comfortable silence, and then Nanase started asking about how TRIGGER's workload had been and that had been the snowball for them to chatter non-stop. 

Gaku took a brief moment to change their lunch plans slightly, instead of sitting down at a restaurant, they would grab simple meals from a convenience store and sit by the river. Gaku had done so numerous times but never with company. 

He dared not ask anymore about what had been bothering Nanase, not when he shined so brightly you'd never be able to tell he was upset to start with. 

"If you've got tonight free, wanna tag along to my filming?" Gaku asked seemingly out of nowhere. Nanase had started talking books and it reminded Gaku what scene they were filming today. Not to mention he hoped it could serve as a sufficient way for Nanase to get his mind of things for a while.

"Eh? Is that really okay?"

"Sure. There's always friends of the cast lingering around. Just shut it when they tell you to and no one will care." 

"Ah, I'd love to then." 

"It could go on late depending on how many takes we do. Is that alright?" 

"So long as I keep Manager updated, yes." 

Nanase let out an excited squeak. He'd done plenty of radio recordings and a few commercials but he hadn't gotten acting jobs like Nikaido had.

Gaku had nearly forgotten he'd be guest starring on Nikaido's drama soon. Asking about him launched Nanase into gushing about all his group mates. Not that Gaku minded since it meant he got to see more of how animated Nanase could be. That was something he missed out on when they were only text chatting. 

After they had finished their food, Gaku offered to walk Riku back to the dorms and pick him up later when it was time to head to the location. Riku had hesitated before agreeing, how that hesitation was to be read Gaku didn't know. 

Once they had reached the dorms, their farewells were short since they’d be meeting up again in only a few hours. Gaku made his way back to TRIGGER’s apartment. He needed to collect a few things for the job, and also figure out where Tenn had hidden his car keys. Tenn was a good kid like that, any time Gaku would be even slightly buzzed he’d take his car keys and hide them somewhere. Never in the same place twice after they’d been found. Oftentimes, Gaku would have Tenn dig them out that way he could still use that hiding spot. Tonight though, Tenn’s schedule was crammed.

When Gaku entered, he was surprised to see Ryuu. Keeping everyone’s schedules straight wasn’t always easy but Gaku almost never had it wrong on who would and wouldn’t be home. Ryuu’s job had been cut short due to weather predictions. There had been talk of rain incoming, but for Gaku filming rain is what they wanted.

“Any clue where Tenn put my keys this time?” Gaku asked.

“Um…I think somewhere in the kitchen.” Ryuu had a face of doubt, he’d been just as drunk as Gaku so he truthfully couldn’t remember.

Gaku scoured each and every cabinet, checking to make sure they weren’t taped to the top of one or hidden under piles of food items. Nowhere to be found. He crossed his arms as he leaned against the counter, and by some grace of the gods, his eyes landed on a flower vase that was slightly off from a dust ring. The moment he lifted the vase he heard a clatter. He had to pull the flowers out and then dig around before he found tape on the underside of the rectangular lip. Never would he have thought his keys could fit there, but Tenn was nothing less than imaginative.

Gaku pocketed his keys after swearing Ryuu to not tell Tenn that this spot was compromised and then headed towards his room. There were still a couple hours until Gaku had to head out for the shoot, and as he laid on his bed, he kept staring at his phone. He would mindlessly flip between random apps and his rabbit chats. The last message he had was from Nanase;

_ Let me know when you’re here _

Gaku opted not to respond then, he would once he had gotten to the dorms. It was a short walk and an even shorter drive. He had decided on the way there that he wouldn’t respond at all. At this point he could enter the IDOLiSH7 dorms with hardly anyone batting an eye. Tsumugi would often give him a nod, though he had to wonder how often she knew when it was him versus a soba delivery. Although he figured the lack of work uniform and boxes clued when it wasn’t the latter.

After he knocked on the door it was only a moment before the door swung open.

“Ah, Yaotome-san!” Nanase squeaked.

“I figured it was easier than waiting for you to get a message” Gaku kept his tone cool and collected but he had actually been a bit nervous about picking Nanase up like this.

“Give me a moment to get my bag—” Nanase went flush the moment a high pitched whistle rang out.

“Yamato-san!!”

“That was Mikki not me.”

Gaku looked past Nanase at the offending members. Nikaido had a beer to his lips while the older Izumi fummed. The younger Izumi’s voice echoed as he chided them for behaving in such a manner in front of one of their peers. Gaku couldn’t stifle his chuckle.

Nanase had only taken seconds before he had returned and rushed out the door, both with his bag and an extra article of clothing draped over his arm. Gaku was quick to follow, and instinctively went to put a hand on Nanase’s waist, only to pull his hand back before realizing what he was about to do. Some part of Gaku had been distracted by how casual yet nice Nanase looked. Plain white t-shirt with a black undershirt barely peeking out, a small gold necklace overlaid, light blue jeans that defined every curve of his legs, and black sneakers, and his beige bag slung over a shoulder. A pretty normal outfit, yet something about how Nanase wore it was mesmerizing. 

Gaku had been spacing out when Nanase returned the jacket he had held onto far longer than intended. 

“Is everything alright, Yaotome-san?” Nanase’s voice was lighter than wind. Some long moments passed before Gaku snapped to.

“Ah yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed so casually.” Gaku bluntly admitted. 

“Eh, does it look weird?” Nanase started to twist to examine himself. 

“Not at all. You pull it off nicely actually. I guess I’m just too used to seeing you during rehearsals.” Gaku felt the heat rush to his cheeks, but he brushed it off as imagination. 

A light rose dusted Nanase’s cheeks, but he turned away before Gaku could really notice it. Although he absolutely noticed how flustered Nanase became at realizing they weren’t taking public transportation. 

The main reason Gaku had opted to drive was due to the filming location being off the beaten path and thus trains would only get them so far. By car they could get right up to the location. Nanase seemed stiff as they got into the car, and that made Gaku nervous.

“Do you get car sick easily?” 

“I...maybe. I’m not in cars much except when Manager is driving us around. But she drives slowly so there’s never been an issue.”

“What? You think I’m gonna drive like a bat out of hell?” 

“No, no! I would feel terrible though if I do get sick on you.” 

“Tenn and Ryuu both find my driving relaxing for what it’s worth. But if you start to feel bad tell me and I’ll pull over somewhere.” 

Nanase hummed in acknowledgement before managing to relax into his seat. The ride was filled with idle chit chat as was usual with them, talking about everything from work engagements to tv shows they had started, books Nanase had been reading, new music they had found. That last bit had led to Gaku promising to give a proper list of recommendations later, to which Nanase eagerly awaited. 

The further they drove, the more visibly Nanase relaxed and slowly Gaku’s own anxiety about making him uncomfortable ebbed away. Soon they were at the location, Nanase’s head had turned when they came up to a dirt lot with tons of cars and trailers dotted around. Gaku pulled up beside a car he recognized as his co-star’s. Before Gaku could even close his door his name had already been hollered.

The director wanted to jump immediately into filming before it started to rain, so Gaku was quickly rushed off to makeup and costuming. He felt bad leaving Nanase on his own already, but Nanase understood the needs of the job and assured him he'd be fine.

“Rare for you to bring anyone with you. Much less someone other than your group mates. So who is he?” Gaku’s stylist had asked without any prefacing.

“Nosy today huh.” His smirk at her had gotten him whapped with a makeup brush as it had made her mess up on makeup application.

“Like I said, it’s rare so I’m curious.”

“He’s another idol. But he’s also the one that helped me with my character research since he’s a big fan of the book.”

“Ah I see.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing nothing. Just a woman's intuition at work.”

“Don’t be thinking weird things.” Her chuckle was not comforting to Gaku, but he let it slide since she was already done with his makeup and rushing him to costuming.

His coworkers truly were nosy and  _ everyone _ he’d encountered had asked him about his mystery companion. He couldn’t believe none of them recognized Nanase, or maybe they had and were pretending. He couldn’t blame them for that. But he never said more than his companion being a fellow idol.

Only his co-star had been forward enough to name drop,

“Since when were you and Nanase Riku so close?”

“Surprised you recognized him.” Gaku almost hesitated from being caught off guard. If he wasn’t used to reacting off her already he would have. 

As it would turn out, she had been an early fan of IDOLiSH7 and followed their rising career. Gaku kept to them merely becoming work friends and downplaying exactly how often they communicated. She had the same hum and expression his stylist had and he realized it irritated him that they wouldn’t say what they were thinking. He decided it wasn’t worth knowing if they refused to even say it so he brushed it off and focused on getting into the headspace for this scene.

There hadn’t been time to track down Nanase before filming started, but Gaku was sure Nanase would figure out where to be. The director gave a quick briefing on what he wanted in terms of action and where on the set he wanted people to be.

As filming started, Gaku effortlessly slid into his character, the lines flowing out as if he were saying them on his own instead of having been memorized. He really loved when he could get so deep into the process that he forgot he was acting. All his roles that had let him do so were his most well received. He never had trouble ignoring the cameras and staff while recording, but this time, there was a small voice in the back of his head that wondered how Nanase felt watching this. He knew he couldn’t listen to that voice lest it affect his acting, so he pushed it out, reasoning with himself that he could simply talk to Nanase between shoots. As calming as that should have been, Gaku stuttered on his next line. Not enough to cut the take short, maybe no one else had noticed, but he had. If he were lucky it would simply add to the scene.

Once they had finished a couple more takes with minor tweaks, they were given a break. Before Gaku could even begin to look around, his co-star had gestured in a direction, and when Gaku followed the motion his eyes landed immediately on Nanase. Gaku couldn’t be sure he’d ever seen a star brighter than Nanase in that moment. Nanase practically skipped over as Gaku started towards him.

“Yaotome-san that was amazing.” 

“Pft you’ve really never been on a movie set before huh.” Gaku shifted his weight to one leg as he rested a hand on his hip. 

“Well no, but Yamato-san is always complaining about how much stopping and starting his filming jobs had.”

"Guess Nikado needs to take things more seriously." 

"Ehhh? Yamato-san does take it seriously." Nanase huffed as he crossed his arms. It reminded Gaku of when Tenn criticized him. 

"Alright my bad for dragging him. You make a good center." Gaku spoke low, an unrestrained smile crossed his face. 

"Huh?" Nanase's arms loosened as he stared at Gaku 

"You're quick to defend your group mates. Shows you truly believe in them and stand by them. Any center who doesn't think like that either is in the wrong group or shouldn't be the center." Gaku's tone softened the more he spoke. He truly wanted to compliment Nanase more but he couldn't find the right words. 

Nanase had a small smile that managed to be brighter than any spotlight. His gaze avoided Gaku for a while.

“You really do breathe life into the character. I’m really glad they cast you for him.” Nanase smiled brightly and an instant heat rush pounded Gaku’s cheeks. 

“I wouldn’t be able to portray them so well if it wasn’t for your help.” Gaku almost stuttered. He had to look away from Nanase though to prevent forgetting what he was saying mid-sentence. 

Nanase managed to leave his skin tingling with that same emotion he felt when Tenn pulled him forward. Tenn needed actions, repeated ones even to elicit the same feeling Nanase had done with simple words. 

Gaku had opened his mouth at the same time a call for all cast echoed. He bit back his words, grateful he hadn't said them. To outwardly compare Nanase to Tenn felt unfair. While they had their striking similarities, they were each their own person. It wasn't right to compare every move Nanase made to those Tenn made. 

This time his movements and line delivery suffered. Not drastically, but enough that he was asked to tweak the performance, to soften some lines or add emotion to others. Those were directions he rarely needed and were mostly done to improve scenes. Not...because he was delivering a lackluster performance. 

In between takes, he caught sight of that unmistakable red hair floating through the crowd. 

_ What the hell is he doing?  _

It looked as though Nanase were joining the extras. Gaku refused to believe that until they started a new take and Nanase absolutely kept standing in his line of sight. Nanase would move, and Gaku's gaze would move. It was only when he saw a staff member point to a specific location and Nanase moved that Gaku realized it wasn't a coincidence. 

He couldn't deny that having Nanase in sight caused something to well up in him. Slowly the world faded around him and Gaku was performing for Nanase and Nanase alone. Nothing mattered except reflecting the character well enough to please him. 

The longer things went on like that, the more at ease Gaku became and the more he slid back into his prime work mode. 

That was all it took to make the remainder of filming zip by. Truthfully it would have gone on longer if not for the fast approaching storm. 

There was talk it could potentially turn into typhoon weather, and that caused a quick wrap up. The cast and crew said their farewells and were on their way all trying to outrun the storm. 

Gaku hadn't a chance to talk with Nanase until they reached the car. 

"You're not mad are you?" Nanase asked the moment their doors shut.

"What? Why would I be?" 

"I didn't mean to get involved with your job. But one of the staff asked if I'd help them out. They didn't tell me what I was doing. I feel like I distracted you."

Gaku laughed. 

Nanase was horrified. 

"Dude they were using you to keep me focused." 

"Huh??" Riku’s eyes went wide as his jaw slacked. 

"Yeah I kept getting distracted. So they turned you into a moving focal point." Gaku gave a quick glance towards him. 

Nanase went quiet after that. Countless emotions sparked through his eyes. Despite how much Gaku wanted to sit and watch how they could flicker like flames, he had to focus on the road. 

The rain had already rolled in and combined with night time and unfamiliar location it made for a tricky driving experience. 

Gaku's stomach twisted as visibility steadily dropped. He glanced at Nanase who didn't seem concerned. 

"Hey...can you find a nearby hotel? This is way worse than I'm used to driving in. I'll talk to Tsumugi and explain." 

"Okay…" Nanase's phone light was absurdly bright and made it even harder to see. Thankfully it didn’t last long.

"Looks like there's one about a mile further. Western style, on the right." 

Gaku nodded and said nothing more as he kept driving and the rain kept worsening. Gusts of wind would cause them to swerve and a few times the car slid when Gaku jerked the wheel too hard. 

The hotel was a small one, but the exterior was nicer than one would expect. Gaku didn't recognize the name but it was comparable to hotels he'd stayed in. He had Nanase wait in a lounge area while he got them a room. 

Nearly the entire hotel had been booked. There had been one check out mere hours ago — a couple trying to beat the storm— that had become their saving grace.

As Gaku went to get Nanase he noticed him shivering with arms around his chest. 

Instinctively Gaku pulled his jacket off and threw it over Nanase. Unlike the last time, Nanase didn’t object and slid right into the jacket. On the way toward their room, Nanase kept silent but also hadn’t stopped shivering despite being curled into Gaku’s jacket.

Gaku unlocked the door and motioned for Nanase to enter first. A few moments went by fumbling around for the light switch, and once the room had been illuminated Gaku noticed one thing immediately.

There was only one bed.

The way Nanase looked at him with those flushed cheeks said everything.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” Gaku said. The couch in question was more of an oversized armchair. One would have to become a cat to sleep in that.

“Ah no you don’t need to. I don’t take up much room.”

“You realize what you’re saying? Did you catch a cold out there.”

Nanase puffed his cheeks, but they didn’t gain any extra color.

“I don’t care really. Tenn-nii and I used to always share a bed. It’s nothing I’m not used to.”

“I’m…a bit bigger than Tenn you know?”

Nanase had started to dictate another argument, but he wobbled and lost balance. If Gaku hadn’t been quick to react he’d have hit the floor. Only when Gaku had his hands on Nanase could he tell exactly how cold he was. Even through the jacket he could feel how soaked Nanase’s clothes had gotten from only the walk between the car and hotel.

  
  
  


“I’ll get a bath ready you should…probably ditch the wet clothes.” Gaku realized part way through what he was saying, but it didn’t fully click in his head what this meant. After Nanase nodded Gaku rushed off to start the bath. The tub was small but would suffice for at least warming Nanase up. It took Gaku a bit to get the temperature comfortably warm and then he let the tub fill before he went to get Nanase.

Upon reentering the room he laid eyes on a sight he  _ definitely _ hadn’t been prepared for. Two shirts and a pair of pants lay discarded on the floor and Nanase had curled up on the bed.

Still in Gaku’s jacket.

Gaku hesitantly shook Nanase’s shoulder to wake him up. He stirred a bit before his eyes fluttered open.

“Ah sorry I just laid down for a minute and…” he yawned.

“Can you walk okay?” Gaku’s concerns kept growing. They would be reliant on whatever medical staff the hotel had if something were seriously wrong with Nanase.

“I…think?” he shifted some more and slowly came to lift himself off the bed. His arms had not been through the sleeves and so the jacket slid off his shoulders. Gaku was quick to avert his gaze, only to return when he heard stumbling.

“I’ll be fine. I promise.” Nanase’s voice trembled a bit but Gaku chose to believe him. Not that he wouldn’t be checking periodically.

As Gaku sat on the bed, he realized now would be the best time to call Tsumugi. It had been a long time since he’d called her personally. The surprise in her voice when she answered came as no shock. Then before Gaku could get a word out she had been asking about Nanase. After Gaku had explained the situation she calmed down significantly, and even gave him some tips in case Nanase’s asthma flared up. Gaku swore he’d have Nanase back before his first work engagement, and that ended the call.

Following that, Gaku went to check on Nanase. The door had remained cracked just enough that Gaku could see in without pushing it open anymore. Nanase was still but awake and that was all Gaku needed to ease his breathing. He proceeded to look around the room, debating if there were any other viable sleeping arrangements. The bed really wasn’t that large, two people  _ could _ fit but they would be tightly packed. Or if it were two of Nanase, or him and Tenn they could fit. No matter how Gaku looked at it, they would be getting far closer than they should.

“Um, Yaotome-san?”

Gaku turned at the sudden sound. Nanase’s fire red hair had become a maroon and stuck all across his neck and cheeks. He also only had a towel loosely wrapped around his waist.

“You feeling alright?”

“A bit but I think I’ll still need some medicine. But…”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t exactly bring a change of clothes.”

That realization hit Gaku like a lighting strike. Gaku kept spare clothes in his car in case he did get stuck overnight like this, but… one look out the window told him that would be wasted effort. The next best idea Gaku had was to pull off the shirt he was wearing and toss it to Nanase.

“Wear that. It’s something at least.”

Nanase looked between the shirt and Gaku countless times. This once Gaku didn’t waver in where his gaze lay. There was a feeling of triumph when Nanase retreated back into the bathroom with the shirt still in hand. That feeling would be short-lived when he came back and Gaku saw how that shirt hung mere inches above his knees. The hem of the shirt billowed around him as he crossed the room to retrieve a bottle from his bag. Some form of medicine Gaku assumed. 

Nanase draped his clothing over the tub after it had drained and then came to sit beside Gaku. A silence wrapped around them. Gaku didn’t know what to say, if he should say anything, or simply sit and enjoy the presence of companionship while the storm outside battered against the window. 

“I’m about to fall asleep sitting here.” Nanase half chuckled half yawned. 

“Get yourself comfortable. I’ll work around you.” 

Something had made Nanase less argumentative as he said nothing before he crawled under the blanket and set himself along the edge. Gaku debated laying on top of the blanket, but he realized that could restrict Nanase’s movements, so he let himself slip underneath, but pushed himself to the edge also. They both laid with their backs to each other. Gaku hoped he wouldn’t disturb Nanase’s sleep. Maybe if Gaku woke up in the middle of the night he’d slink off to the couch. 

That had seemed like a solid plan.

Until he woke up to sunlight blinding him and the realization that Nanase was curled into his chest and Gaku cradled him there.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I no longer fear how many cliche tropes get shoved into this fic. If I enjoy them and want them in, in they go.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy Gaku's obvious crush that he doesn't realize exists.


	5. Seeds to Sow

When Riku had fallen asleep, the rain and wind were still rattling the window. As he struggled to lift a single eyelid he noticed just how quiet it was now. Quiet, except for steady breathing. There was a disorienting moment as he tried to turn his head only to find he couldn’t do so comfortably.

Slowly he'd remembered Yaotome-san checking them into a hotel room, being loaned Yaotome-san's clothes, and lastly them settling into the single bed. None of that had been shocking, a tad embarrassing though. The real embarrassment came when Riku connected the dots that he was staring at a bare collar bone. As the arms around him held him tighter he twitched, would have jumped if he hadn’t fought the instinct.

There was a hand on the back of his head. If he moved he knew it'd wake Yaotome-san. Not that he wanted that, but if he stayed like this he feared the nerves that made his heart race would wake him instead. 

As he lay debating which option would be the better choice, a comforting warm radiated against him. Not too warm, perfectly comfortable, enough so that it helped him breath easier. Faintly he remembered having woken up once from shivering so much. That had probably been how he ended up like this. At least that’s what he wanted to believe. 

Although like this, he noticed that Yaotome-san had a nice scent too. He almost wanted to nestle further into the warm embrace and sleep more, but the embarrassment that flushed his cheeks would never let him. 

Each passing second he felt more nervous, he tried to shift his legs, only to realize they were tangled with Yaotome-san's. He wished, prayed, hoped that he could slip away before Yaotome-san would notice their position. Why he feared it so much he couldn’t say, but he figured it would be easier if they could pretend this hadn’t happened. 

While he was stuck there, Riku started to think about the last time he’d shared a bed with anyone. He couldn't remember. He supposed it had to have been with Tenn-nii. A breath caught in his throat as he realized that at some point, he'd had his last night with Nanase Tenn and hadn't known it would be the last, and now he couldn't even remember when that had been. Had he fallen asleep on Tenn's stomach? Had Tenn only stayed by his side until he fell asleep? Had they been in the same room at all? 

Salt stung his eyes. In the last five years, all the times he had cried over Tenn-nii yet this one particular thought had never occurred to him. A hiccup forced its way through his airways and echoed. His skin tingled with thousands of pinprick sensations and he stiffened, praying Yaotome-san hadn't been woken by the sound. A lump formed in Riku’s throat when he tried to stifle another hiccup, but that had only caused him to cough. 

“You okay? Bad dream?” Yaotome-san’s sudden voice was startling. It was as if he’d been awake the whole time.

“Ah, yeah I guess.” Riku coughed again. 

“You caught a cold didn’t you…” Yaotome-san’s arms briefly tightened. 

“Probably. But it’s fine I get them so easily I’ll be over it in no time!” Riku squirmed and broke loose of Yaotome-san’s hold. 

After Riku had thrown himself out of bed, he remembered his state of dress and instinctively tugged at the hem of the shirt. That only made him go flush when he’d remembered more of last night and just how much of him Yaotome-san had seen. 

He rushed into the bathroom and held himself against the closed door for a moment, afraid the movement was going to reignite the earlier coughing fit. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward between them in the event he had been particularly odd last night during his fevered state. That worry formed another lump, but it didn’t cause him to cough. He pushed himself off the door to check his clothes. Still a little damp but nothing he couldn't bear. 

When he reentered the room, Yaotome-san stood with his back facing Riku. For a brief moment, Riku was stuck admiring the toned muscles of Yaotome-san's back. In hindsight, Riku realized that despite all the risque photo shoots TRIGGER did, he'd hardly, if ever, seen their backs. 

Yaotome-san had much more prominent muscles than his stage outfits and general clothing implied. Riku almost wondered how it'd feel to run a hand over his shoulders, but aggressively shook his head knowing he shouldn't think things like that of his senior. 

"Sorry I caused so much trouble." Riku muttered as he handed back the borrowed shirt. 

"I'm the one who asked you to come." Yaotome-san’s hair had poofed around him as he slipped back into his shirt. 

"Still…" Riku wanted to apologize again, but he couldn't find the right words. 

"Can we agree on one thing?" Yaotome-san's tone suddenly shifted in a way Riku couldn't figure out. He wanted to think it was concerned, but what for?

"Huh?"

"Let's keep this between us...I'd rather Tenn not find out."

Riku relaxed instantly, even chuckled. That was a reasonable fear for sure.

"Haha yeah Tenn-nii doesn't need to know." Riku's stomach twisted. There was still lingering pain in his chest from the earlier train of thought, but he would simply have to move past it. 

They proceeded to collect the few things they had before heading out. If it weren't for the puddles on the ground you'd never have known it had been storming mere hours ago. 

Yaotome-san sent a message to Manager letting her know they would be there soon, and then they were off. 

They drove in a comfortable silence for a while, although the air seemed strangely tense. Riku wanted to converse but he couldn't think of anything to start with. Talk about the shoot? The hotel? The wonky weather? The upcoming music festival? 

"I'm curious about something. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Yaotome-san never so much as flicked his gaze off the road.

"What is it?" Riku kept his gaze out the window, but grateful they were talking about something.

"What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"Wha— that's an odd question. It's just a regular strawberry scented one." Riku had spun around to look at Yaotome-san, who still didn’t tear his eyes away from the road.

"Ah, so it is the same as Tenn's." 

"Tenn-nii's?"

"Sorry I know that sounds weird… I woke up a bit before you but I didn't want to wake you up." Yaotome-san paused, a faint color dusting his cheeks. Riku blushed himself thinking that he hadn’t been the first to wake up...

"But while we were laying there...the scent was oddly familiar. So I wondered if you two had always used the same." 

Riku toyed with a loose string on his shirt as he fought to string words together in a way that wouldn’t sound weird. He exhaled and decided he didn’t need to think so hard when it involved Tenn-nii. 

"I honestly don't know anything Tenn-nii uses anymore. I don't use the same stuff we didn’t when we were kids though."

"So you two naturally gravitate towards the same. Maybe that's the twin telepathy thing." Yaotome-san's musing made Riku laugh. 

"Tenn-nii used to say we had that. He swore he always knew when my condition worsened no matter how far apart we were." 

As if on some planned cue, Riku's phone buzzed with a message. From Tenn.

_Are you still with Gaku?_

"Okay that's weird…" Riku hadn't meant to say it aloud. 

"No way, that's Tenn?" Yaotome-san's shock colored those few words. 

"Yeah he wants to know if I'm still with you but that timing." 

They both laughed about it, and slid into conversation about when Tenn and Riku were kids. Nothing significant or relevant, just Riku talking and getting to say all the things he usually kept bottled up, and Yaotome-san getting another chance to ask about all the embarrassing things Tenn would never talk about. 

The drive went by in a blink, and Riku half wished it would be longer so as not to cut their conversation short. Nonetheless he gathered his bag and opened his door. 

"Can I...you wanna come on a drive with me again later? I swear I'll keep better tabs on the weather." Yaotome-san asked as he gripped the wheel. 

"I'd love to." Riku wondered if Yaotome-san had his own mind reading ability. 

They lingered for a long moment, exchanged small smiles, and then Yaotome-san reached into the seat behind him. Riku quirked an eyebrow only a moment before a lump of fabric was thrown at him. 

“Wha—”

“Keep it. You’ve borrowed it enough that it may as well just be yours.”

“I can’t do that!!” As Riku had started, Yaotome-san smirked and drove off. Riku huffed but what could he do? 

Upon entering the dorms, Manager was the first to greet him, glad he had gotten back safely and was in good health. Although Riku coughed shortly after, Yamato had caught him off guard.

“So when are you gonna tell us about you and Yaotome?”

“Ehh? Rikkun and Gakkun are finally together?” Tamaki spoke as if they were talking about the weather. 

“I-we— I’m not dating Yaotome-san!” Riku stuttered. 

“Then why do you have his jacket when you were just with him?” Mitsuki asked without even looking away from the cabinet he rummaged in. 

“That’s...I just sort of borrowed it again and he told me to keep it.” Riku tucked his head into his shoulder. He knew how that sounded, but it was the truth.

“Was he running lines for his next romance movie?” Yamato asked. 

“We’re not like that! Yaotome-san is just a good friend!” Riku fumed. He could feel the heat in his blood. Riku bolted for his room before anyone could get another word in. 

Honestly, as much as he adored his group mates they could be so annoying sometimes. They’d especially been so ever since he got close to Yaotome-san. There were nearly daily jokes about when they’d come out as dating. Riku had half a mind to start calling out Mitsuki for being so touchy with Nagi when the adults all drank. 

Dating though... He was an idol. Idols weren’t supposed to do that. They had to maintain that image of existing for their fans. Even if Riku ever wanted to date anyone, he doubted he could let himself so long as he stood on stage and sang for those that allowed him to stand there. 

He crossed to his bed and set Yaotome-san’s...his jacket over his beanbag chair before sitting on his bed. That jacket was so big on him, but perhaps he could make the oversized look work. Or only wear it casually. 

After a short debate, Riku opted to put in his headphones and listen to music until dinner. No amount of relaxing would be enough as it would turn out. Manager had come to update them on adjusted work schedules, which were...chaotic at best to make up for both Riku being sick and the extra day of him being out. Although Yaotome-san had gotten him back before the time his first job was scheduled, things had shuffled all around to keep things as efficient as possible and also account for giving Riku time to breath. 

The largest problem was still how jam packed things would be. The idols would barely have a moment to themselves let alone time for socializing even among themselves. Manager had apologized and made it clear that if they felt overworked to let her know, but they all accepted the harsh workload and swore to not let it beat them down too much. 

Above everything upcoming, there was the music festival, which would consume most of their time for the next couple weeks. Once she had finished outlining the rough expectations, she left them to their own to discuss how they’d handle things among themselves. 

In the midst of Iori droning on about how everyone would have to be more punctual than ever, Riku became engrossed in his phone. He had gotten a message from Tenn, but it was in a group chat with Yaotome-san. 

_Riku, there’s something I need to ask_

_Okay, but why is Yaotome-san here?_

_Because I need him to see the response too._

_Okay?_

_What happened with you two last night?_

Oh no. Riku could hear Tenn hissing. But so soon...Tenn-nii really was quick. Riku typed slowly, reworded his message multiple times and made sure to choose his wording very carefully for Yaotome-san’s sake.

_That storm was really bad so Yaotome-san asked me to find a hotel and we stayed there instead of risking it out against the weather._

_See Tenn, nothing happened. Can you calm down now?_

_Riku did he do anything weird?_

_What? No of course not. Yaotome-san even took precautions so that I wouldn’t get sick._

_Is that so?_

_Tenn-nii really. Whatever Yaotome-san is telling you is the truth. I shouldn’t have to tell you that._

_How’s it feel to get smacked by your brother?_

_Shut up._

_Be nice to him Tenn-nii._

Suddenly the messages stopped and Riku hoped that meant it had ended the argument those two were having. He supposed he shouldn’t have snapped at Tenn like that, since he only had Riku’s wellness in mind. But really, Tenn had a way of going too far sometimes, even in five years that hadn’t changed. Riku couldn’t really be that upset, not even for Tenn going at Yaotome-san, not when it was just Tenn’s way of showing he cared. 

Those two would work things out between themselves, they always did. Truly Riku was glad Tenn had Yaotome-san by his side. No one besides Riku had been there when they were kids, and he couldn’t imagine Tenn had anyone to confide in within the Kujou household. Riku hoped that Yaotome-san would continue to stand beside Tenn and help him become a better person than he ever could have if he’d never left Riku’s side. 

Somewhere deep in his stomach Riku felt a pang of...jealousy? All those years he wished he could return the favors Tenn-nii did for him, and now that he could stand on his own, stand beside Tenn, there was someone else in his place. Not that Riku hadn’t realized this, of course he had when he’d been following TRIGGER’s rise and seen the dynamics between the three of them grow. 

He hoped IDOLiSH7 had that same sort of growth, and maybe he had someone within his own group that was standing in Tenn’s place. The fact that Riku couldn’t distinctively name anyone that could be, left him feeling like he wasn’t truly giving his everything to IDOLiSH7. With that he set on a new resolve to push TRIGGER to the backburner and focus on those most important to him, and in turn let Yaotome-san and Tenn-nii focus on their most important people. 

Riku could, and would, learn to stand on his own apart from his brother’s influence. That thought, that resolve, would be what carried him through the grueling days to come. 

Those days would start off almost as soon as he woke up. He could barely think between rushing from this photoshoot to that rehearsal, to that radio recording, off to this TV station, and then off to a cafe where the provided snacks he was promoting would essentially be his lunch, and then to costume fittings. 

Of course in between it all were his group mates assuring him to not stress and take it easy so as not to make things even harder, but this was already exhausting. Each idol had different days off, Riku would get his after only three days, but by the time he reached it, it had felt like three weeks. 

After being forced into such tightly packed plans, he planned on nothing. His entire plan was to not have a single plan. With that he spent an entire day doing virtually nothing, he read some books, listened to some music, took a nice long afternoon nap, did some shopping, and then it was dinner time. Riku realized he wasn't far away from Yamamura Soba and so that became his destination. 

The aroma seemed to waft out into the street, enticing him before he'd even opened the shop door.

"Ah, Nanase-san, it's been a while." 

The usual Yaotome-san lookalike, greeted. Riku smiled as he slid into a chair at the counter. 

Yamamura-san was chipper as ever, and it let Riku relax considerably. He appreciated having a place to come to escape his idol life. Somewhere he could just be Nanase Riku instead of IDOLiSH7's center. 

Tonight was a slow night, which left Yamamura-san open to more conversation. Riku enjoyed being able to open up about his life a little bit to someone completely outside the industry. Although Yamamura always understood and responded as if he knew stage life well. 

"Well if you ask me, an idol shouldn't push themselves to a point they'd worry their fans." Yamamura-san had said it in a way that Riku would have sworn he was talking to Yaotome-san if he didn't know better. 

Even _if_ Yaotome-san decides to parade as a humble soba shop worker for a night, that beauty mark under Yamamura’s eye was unmistakable. Riku had been around Yaotome-san enough to know he didn't have that. It really was pretty in a special way. Maybe it was that dark spot against the pale complexion and paired with the silver hair. Riku couldn't be sure. 

Riku did remember a conversation he'd had with Yaotome-san once about how much the media fabricated, how much photo editing went into each of TRIGGER's early pictures before they had the authority to argue it. 

"If you were ever an idol would you hide anything they told you to?"

"Like would I cover this up?" Yamamura-san touched beside his eye. 

Riku nodded and Yamamura-san took a moment to think about it. 

“Idols are supposed to be this perfect image for their fans right? So if hiding some part of myself helped them smile more then I could be okay with it. But I’d never let myself be ashamed of those parts I chose to cover.” Yamamura-san’s gaze fixed on the ceiling as he spoke. How deeply he would consider his responses was what made Riku enjoy talking to him about these things. It was different having a non-idol perspective on things, and let Riku think of them differently himself.

“So,” Yamamura-san flicked his eyes down to Riku “what are you hiding?”

“Huh??”

“You wouldn’t ask something like that unless you, or I suppose someone you know, was hiding something.” 

“That’s...well I’m not hiding anything...exactly…” 

“But you’re actively _not_ saying something.” 

Riku cursed how sharp Yamamura-san was, although he had opened this door. After the recent jam packed days, and how much worse his condition seemed to be getting despite him actively doing his best to manage it, left him deflated. Rooted deep in his chest, was the feeling that no matter how hard he tried, he would always be held back due to his body. 

As if it were a grim reminder, telling him he indeed could never escape this curse, he started to cough. Each one was rough and hurt his throat. Part of him knew he should have expected this, and he really did but when it would happen he could never predict. 

He accepted the water that was suddenly pushed towards him, but it only helped marginally. He almost started towards his bag, afraid he’d need his inhaler for the first time in a while. But just as he opened it, the coughs subsided. His throat still hurt and there was an odd taste in his mouth that he wasn’t used to. Was he due for a check up? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had one. 

When the coughs became spaced out more, he paid for his food and started towards the door, only to be hit with another fit so bad he nearly lost balance. He tried to argue against Yamamura-san taking him home, but with how his muscles ached he worried about being able to make it. 

A small surprise came at learning Yamamura-san owned a car. Riku had always assumed he walked to work since he mentioned how close he lived. Apparently it was a rare occurrence that he ever drove to work. He only did so when he was already out and about running errands. In the dark Riku couldn’t notice, but once he’d sat in the passenger seat he realized that Yamamura-san had the same kind of car as Yaotome-san. 

Riku had to wonder if Yaotome-san and Yamamura-san were secretly twins. Or maybe one was a doppelganger. He had read a book like that, a few actually, but they always ended in one killing the other. Them secretly being twins was better. Maybe cousins or something. Genetics were weird like that. 

“I know you’re dedicated to your work, but take better care of yourself okay?” Yamamura-san said just as he pulled up to the IDOLiSH7 dorm. 

“I will. I’m sorry for causing you trouble, but I do appreciate it.” 

“Stop apologizing so much.” Yamamura-san huffed as he leaned over the steering wheel. 

“Huh?” Riku couldn’t recall any time he’d particularly apologized to Yamamura-san

“Ah, I mean. You just seem like the type who apologizes for everything.” There seemed to be some color flushing his face, but Riku figured that was just the light playing tricks. 

“A-anyway. Take care of yourself and come back to the shop soon.” Yamamura-san rushed and drove off. 

For a moment Riku stood there and blinked. It really was weird how similar Yamamura-san and Yaotome-san were. He brushed it off though and headed inside.

Riku hadn't a moment to breathe before he was already under fire.

"Out late with Yaotome again?" Mitsuki asked from the couch. 

"Huh? No, I was at the soba shop and got a coughing fit and Yamamura-san offered to take me home." 

"That looked exactly like Yaotome's car?" Yamato chimed from beside Mitsuki. 

"I'm pretty sure it's the same. Funny coincidence right?" 

"Heh maybe Gakkun has a long lost twin." Tamaki chimed. 

"That's what I thought!" Riku sparkled, thinking he wasn't crazy. 

"Somehow I don't think so. Anyway, Nanase-san please be more careful when you're out and about." Iori chided. 

"Geez it's not my fault the weather has been making it worse."

Iori twitched but said nothing and Riku took that as his victory and went to sit down beside Tamaki on the couch across from Yamato and Mitsuki. 

The dorms were a bit cold lately, or maybe Riku had become more sensitive. Regardless he had taken to staying curled up in his oversized jacket. It worked as well as using a blanket when he sat on the couch. He could pull his knees to his chest and bundle himself up. Given a bit of time it became a warm little cocoon. 

There was no doubt why Yaotome-san had worn this so frequently. Riku hoped he had another like it, if not he would absolutely give this one back. For now though, he would remain curled up as they all watched the latest episode of Yamato's drama. In only a few weeks would be the one Yaotome-san guest starred in. Yamato said it was a good one that they would definitely want to watch, but he'd eyed Riku as he said it. 

Riku thought nothing of it. He hardly had a chance to message Yaotome-san with how conflicting their schedules had been lately. Riku had gotten so used to checking his phone that he did so on instinct, even when it had been days since he last had a message from anyone beside those in the room. 

After the drama ended, there was brief talk of going to bed, but everyone either had an off day tomorrow, or at least the morning off, so they all agreed to tune into some other programs and spend a bit more time together while they could. Riku missed these times, being able to simply sit with everyone and enjoy each other’s company. No matter how much they may be together during rehearsals, it never felt as sincere of bonding as a simple night huddled around the TV could be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riku is so dumb but so precious pls love him and I swear he'll learn....eventually...


	6. A Game of Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _sips angst juice_ look it couldn't stay cute and happy forever that's all I have to say for myself.

After rehearsal, Riku brimmed with energy despite how tired he should have been. Today had been mostly for the lightning staff to run through their side of things, but naturally Tenn wouldn’t accept anything less than a perfect run from everyone. The only one who’d been able to get Tenn to lessen up was Yaotome-san. No matter how much those two bickered, or how many times Tsunashi-san had to come between them, anyone could tell they were close. 

Riku bounced down the street still thinking about TRIGGER. He wanted to gather with all of IDOLiSH7 for even a simple dinner, but their schedules weren’t aligned for it until after the music festival. Maybe then they could take a trip somewhere. Tonight though, most of the others would be busy until later. They had to zip straight from practice to their respective jobs, which left Riku alone for the time being. It had been a while since he’d indulged in a nice meal, and that was all it took for his legs to carry him to the one shop he’d become a regular at.

No matter what time he came here, he was almost always greeted by that familiar voice. This time however, he was greeted by an older man that Riku was certain was the owner of the shop. Yamamura-san had had numerous conversations with him even while he sat beside Riku. Their conversations ranged from home life to business aspects. Not something you’d expect from a usual employer to employee conversation. 

Riku bowed as he went to take his usual seat and figure out what he would order today. He picked a bowl that he had thought about trying for a while, and once the shop keeper had disappeared Riku settled into his seat. The shop was quiet now, which seemed odd for an afternoon. He usually frequented here at night so for all he knew, this was normal. 

The slow nights when Riku came here were relaxing; Riku would often end up singing bits and pieces of IDOLiSH7 songs for Yamamura-san. There was a small twist in Riku’s chest at Yamamura-san not being here. Of course Riku knew he couldn’t land on his shifts every time, but sometimes he wondered if Yamamura-san ever left.

_ “Ehhh, my type well that’s…” _

Usually he couldn’t hear the TV past all the average chatter, but this time Riku’s head perked at the voice. TRIGGER had a spot on a prime time station today. It had slipped Riku’s mind. That had been why they rushed out of the venue before anyone else. Somehow Riku had still forgotten. He turned his chair to better see the screen.

_ “I guess I would want someone who’s kind, but not afraid to stand up for themselves, even against me.” _

_ “Ahaha that almost sounds like Kujou-san.” _

_ “Not even he could steal my heart from my fans.” _

Those were different responses Riku noted. They’d been asked all about their dating types and previous relationships countless times since their debut, but the answers had always been the same; that they were idols and could never think of anyone other than the fans. But that exchange, for some reason, left a strange taste in Riku’s mouth. As he turned for a drink of the water he’d been given just before making his order, a bowl clanked down before him. The light and rich scent hit him immediately and his stomach voiced it’s approval. 

“Ah now I know.” the man spoke with such energy it made Riku jump. The chopsticks he had been about to break apart split unevenly.

“You’re the boy I see often with my grandson. I’m glad Gaku has good friends besides those two.” 

_ Eh? He must mean Yamamura-san. There’s no way he’s named Gaku too. _ Riku kept himself from saying anything by slurping noodles. The owner turned towards the TV still playing TRIGGER’s interview. 

Yamamura-san and Yaotome-san didn’t look  _ that _ much alike. At first glance it was easy to mistake them, but after spending time around them both, Riku had come to notice all their differences. Besides the beauty mark that only Yamamura-san had, his hair was a touch darker, spoke with his hands far more and had softer eyes than Yaotome-san. 

They were both incredibly kind and had meant a lot to Riku during the rough times. Although, there had been a decreasing amount of messages with Yaotome-san. It made sense that he'd be busier the closer they came to the music festival. Riku's chest often tightened at the thought of the festival. He was nervous to say the least, who wouldn't be when they were to share a stage with TRIGGER. Even though IDOLiSH7 had done so numerous times it was always nerve wracking. 

Riku stared blankly at his bowl after he'd gone to grab more noodles only to find none. After he made quick work of the soup he started to take his leave. 

"Tell Gaku to take it easy would you. He listens to you better I'm sure."

"I'll pass it along." Riku laughed. 

As he walked home he started to message Yaotome-san, mostly since he found it funny the owner referred to him as his grandson, but Riku decided it would be best for another day. 

The route home unsurprisingly had TRIGGER posters everywhere. Well, Riku had thought it was them because he'd seen Yaotome-san. After he turned a corner he caught sight of bright red. A few moments later he realized that bright red was him. It was the perfume advertisement he and Yaotome-san had done a photoshoot for.

There was that rush of seeing oneself on posters, but that was quickly overshadowed by the rush of heat to Riku’s cheeks. 

Plastered all over the city, likely in every train and train station, covering shop windows and various walls, no doubt inserted into magazines too, was the image of Yaotome-san with a hand on Riku's chin with their eyes locked. The photo editing made the lightning look softer than it had been, and not a single trace of the minor blemishes on either of their faces remained.

Riku curled in on himself hoping no one would recognize him. He was quick but careful as he slinked down the remaining streets. 

Once he'd made it inside he let himself breathe, and hoped he could have some time before his group mates teased him. Maybe they hadn't seen it yet. Or so he wanted to believe until he saw a magazine on the table laid open to a page with that very advertisement. 

"Welcome home Riku-kun." Sogo's greeting was innocent as ever, but Mitsuki's smirk was anything but. 

Riku could hardly get his shoes off before the attacks started.

“Quite a shoot with Yaotome huh.” 

“It was months ago! And it’s not like we knew what they would use.” 

“Man, SNS is already going nuts.” Yamato chimed from the couch beside Mitsuki.

“Sure you don’t want to tell us anything?” Yamato smirked even worse than Mitsuki.

“How many times do I have to say Yaotome-san and I are just friends? He only did that because the photographers asked him to.” 

Mitsuki and Yamato sighed in unison but said nothing. Riku started to ask about it, but decided not to push it. If he didn’t engage maybe they would drop it. He had hardly talked with Yaotome-san in the last month. They hadn’t seen each other outside rehearsals so what possessed the others to continue the relentless teasing Riku couldn’t figure out. 

Luckily, Riku’s silence did lead into a relaxed mood. Everyone had focused on the TV or their phones. Sometimes they would comment on things from the show, or share the things from their phones.

Yamato and Mitsuki had already emptied six cans between the two of them. Sogo had opted out of drinking since he wanted to work on compositions later. 

Riku let out a relaxed sigh, this was what he wanted, a simple laid back time to not think about anything stress inducing. More he wanted to be able to ignore that pressure in his chest that hadn’t gone away. It wasn’t painful, but uncomfortable. Riku’s singing had been affected too and that was the real concern. 

"Oh it's this interview." Yamato commented just as a program started that highlighted TRIGGER as special guests. A rerun of an earlier live broadcast, as noted by the text at the bottom of the screen.

They looked perfect as ever Riku thought. Tenn-nii had that same radiant smile he always had for the cameras, Yaotome-san looked cool as ever, and Tsunashi-san had his soft smile. 

The beginning wasn't much beyond talking about upcoming releases. Then came the Q&A segment 

_ "Yaotome you've been working on a movie right?" _

_ "Ah yeah. It's still a ways out though." _

_ "But it's based on a romance novel." _

_ "It does have a romance plot but to call it a romance movie discredits how the novel fans would feel."  _

Riku couldn't help smiling at that one. Yaotome-san had whole heartedly listened to all he'd said about the series. The way his face lit up as he spoke about it in what detail he could only made Riku smile larger.

_ "In the romance vein though, I'm sure the audience is curious about your ideal types."  _

_ "Gaku has boring tastes."  _

_ "Shut up, you'll date anyone who says they're your fan." _

_ "My fans have taste at least." _

_ "Damn brat…”  _ Yaotome-san sighed as he turned away from Tenn to focus on his answer.

_ “Ehhh, my type well that’s… I guess I would want someone who’s kind, but not afraid to stand up for themselves, even against me.” _

Riku's gut feeling had been right. He'd missed the start of this interview at Yamamura. Now though, without the distraction of noodles being prepared and rich aroma in the air, Riku could notice how Yaotome-san's gaze would flick to Tenn. 

They usually sat close, TRIGGER was just that sort of group, but Riku never noticed how their hands would rest at their sides and nearly touch. Occasional exchanges with Tsunashi-san would happen, but more often the traded looks and snide comments were between Yaotome-san and Tenn. 

_ "Like I'd want to steal your ice cold heart." _

_ "You wish you could."  _ Tenn gave a wink to the camera.  _ "But of course it belongs only to my fans who can melt it with ease." _

_ "You should be embarrassed." _

The rest of the interview had been pretty normal after that, a few typical life questions and reiterating their release schedule and thanking everyone for supporting them. 

There was a strange earthy taste on Riku's tongue. 

Beyond the acting, Riku knew Tenn really cared about Yaotome-san. There were a few times growing up that Tenn had classmates confess to him, but he'd always say how he couldn't abandon his brother. Riku never thought any of them would treat Tenn-nii right anyway. 

Of all people Riku had known, Yaotome-san was the first that Riku felt worthy of dating his older brother. Riku half wondered if Yaotome-san and Tenn-nii were already dating. Despite how the thought made Riku’s chest heavy, he knew that Tenn-nii wouldn't be mistreated. 

Yaotome-san hadn't said anything on the matter, but Riku figured that would be an awkward conversation to have with your crush's sibling. Maybe Riku would prod a little the next time he spoke with Yaotome-san. Whenever that would be.

"TRIGGER seems really close these days." Yamato commented as the interview wrapped up. So even others noticed. 

"It's so different from their first appearances. Tenn-nii would hardly look at either of them."

"Sure seems to be looking at Yaotome a lot now."

"I wonder how Kujou keeps calm having those cool dark eyes on him so much." Mitsuki mused. 

"It's easier than you'd think. Yaotome-san's eyes are really soft in person." 

"If you said stuff like that in interviews we'd be in trouble." Mitsuki sighed at Riku. 

"Huh? But it's true."

"Scandal of our center having the hots for TRIGGER's leader. That would be rough." Yamato went to take a drink only to frown. 

"You're really staying on that…"

"Prove us wrong and we'll stop." His can clinked loudly as he set it on the table. 

Before Riku could argue his chest tightened. He tried to stifle the coughs, but that only made them worse. Each cough was rough and came with a burn in his lungs. The more he coughed the more constricted his breathing became. 

Riku was aware that Yamato and Mitsuki scrambled around him, but he couldn’t focus past the fire that creeped down his airways. Someone handed him his inhaler, but Riku waved his hand. This wasn’t an attack. That came with suffocating feelings, like a hand clamped around his throat. This felt different. As if something were stuck in his chest. 

After a few painful minutes the coughs started to fade. 

“You’re having more attacks lately...are you sure practice isn’t too rough?” Yamato asked. 

“It must be the pollen or something. These aren’t like normal…” Riku’s breathing was ragged and uneven still. That sting still crept down his throat and refused to go away. 

“Maybe we should tell Manager…” Mitsuki mused.

“No don’t. If it gets too bad I’ll say something.” Riku’s voice strained. Yamato sighed and shook his head. 

“Don’t go pushing yourself okay? We can cover for you if you really don’t want the others knowing.” 

“I’m sure it’ll go away.” 

Yamato and Mitsuki exchanged looks, but let things end there. Anxiety bubbled in Riku’s chest, every itch in his throat made him fear another fit. That too many and Yamato would say something to Manager or Banri-san. 

Riku got himself something to drink before he settled back into watching TV. Not much later Nagi came home ecstatic with a newly acquired game that he insisted they all had to play together right then and there. 

It was a weird mix of racing game and rpg but it had a charm to it that kept them from getting bored. Nagi was full of random trivia about the game and its development, but most of it flew over their heads. By the time Iori and Tamaki had come home from their jobs, Yamato and Mitsuki were yelling at the game with Nagi. Riku sat back only being handed a controller when luck was needed. 

Iori chided them all for being so engrossed and energetic when they should conserve energy for the music festival performance that was only a week away. His words fell flat as Nagi screeched at something in game. 

After sometime, Nagi became the only one still invested in the game. Members started to retreat to their rooms until Riku remained. He checked the time on his phone and decided it would be best to wind down for bed. 

A part of him noted again how few messages lit up his phone now. Although that wasn’t a particularly bad thing. Less distractions meant he could focus more on taking care of himself and devote his all to his work. 

In the vein of self care he had settled in with a book, and fallen so deep into it he hadn't noticed Iori open his door to let him know a bath was ready. 

The water was a nice comfortable warm by the time he got into it. Instantly, his muscles loosened up and he sank further into the water as he exhaled easy. 

While his mind wandered, his gaze stuck to the ceiling. How had Yaotome-san reacted to the advertisement, he wondered. Had Tenn-nii seen it too? Riku had been excited for it after they'd done the shoot, but now his cheeks burned. He told himself it was just the water and ignored how his face grew hotter than his submerged body. 

He recalled the process of that photo being taken. How effortlessly Yaotome-san had towered over him, how little hesitation came at being told to hold Riku’s chin and lean in. If Riku thought about it too much he could still feel Yaotome-san’s breath against his lips. All either had to do was lean in a hair more and they would have—

Riku jumped and splashed water across the room.

As he sank back into the water he started to think about how Yaotome-san’s lips would have felt. He was sure they'd be soft. More so than Tenn-nii's. Granted Riku hadn't been kissed by Tenn since they were kids, but the point still stood as kid Riku had once said he never wanted to know what anyone else's lips would feel like. 

More water splashed as Riku shook his head much like a dog shaking out their fur. When that failed to expel the thoughts from his head, he stood and let the temperature shock do the job. It had worked just long enough for him to let Tamaki know the bath was free and get back to his room.

A new rush of fire seared his cheeks as he saw his phone light up with a message from Yaotome-san.

Three photos had been sent to him, all expensive looking bracelets and a question of which Tenn would like best. Riku hardly needed any time to give his answer and a moment later his chest became heavy. 

A month of not talking outside practice and it had been over Tenn-nii. The more Riku looked at the photos, the less they looked like casual gifts. The next big holiday wasn't for a few months. 

He tried to take a deep breath only to cough. Each cough hit harder than the last. Relentless in how fast they came. If it were possible to actually cough up a lung he would surely do it. 

Part of him contemplated going to the hospital, since this wasn’t his asthma and he hadn’t a clue what it was. So close to a big performance though made him cough more from nerves. He just had to swallow this down. Ignore the boulder in his chest and make it through the performance. Then he could justify going. 

If he didn’t get better by then. Although the intensity of the coughs made it hard to believe it would go away on it’s own. He wouldn’t let go of his hope regardless.

Not even after he fainted. 


End file.
